QUIET REFLECTIONS

 

Life has a way of throwing curve balls when we least expect them. Just when I thought I had my life all figured out, it unraveled in a way I never saw coming. 

Six months ago, I had unexpected emergency surgery to remove an infectious abscess from the right frontotemporal lobe of my brain.

I am extremely grateful to say that the surgery and follow-up care was a brilliant success, and today I am nearly fully recovered. 

During my healing process, I worried that I would not get back to the person I was ‘before’, that I wouldn’t be me anymore, that this brain surgery ordeal would change me.

And, it has…but, not in the ways I expected.

Oh, I will always have the scar on my scalp, of course, (and a metal plate in my skull), but, it is mostly on the inside that I am different. 

Maybe I was never meant to go back to who I was before…maybe I was meant to ‘become’. Maybe going through this crisis was a way to break open my heart for something better and brighter? 

When you survive a traumatic health event, you become very humble. Something inside of you softens. You begin to notice the wonder and the magic all around you. You begin to value everyone and everything you have in your life. Zachary Douglas said, “the broken will always love harder than most-once you have been in the dark you learn to appreciate everything that shines.”

I have learned that life’s richness comes from embracing its glorious chaos, beautiful imperfections, and daily unexpected turns, finding meaning in all its messy parts.

I was slow to seize the ‘messiness’ of my brain surgery, but, eventually chose to believe that buried in the bedlam, there might be hidden gifts, waiting for me to receive them. Once I changed my perspective, and began asking myself, ‘what if this isn’t happening to me, but, for me?’, I started to see that the challenges I faced were actually stepping stones toward something greater. 

I was forced to release my need for certainty and control in life, and go with the flow, and by doing that, I was reminded that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. The uncertainty, the unexpected detours-they are all part of something more exceptional and extraordinary that is unfolding for me. And, if I am willing to create space for them, I trust that the Universe will lead me to where I am meant to be.

As I move into this new year, I am grateful for these lessons. They have brought me to a deeper awareness of patience and compassion for myself and for others, of the fragile and fleeting nature of time, the enduring value of presence. 

I step forward with intention, hoping to nurture what truly matters and to greet the unknown with a reverent curiosity, and steadfast courage.